Sandler Rule #1: You Have to Learn to Fail to Win

Start by asking yourself the following question, "Have you ever lost a sale & felt like a personal failure?" Failure is part of the human condition. Everybody fails at something. People who achieve a great deal fail at many things. It's important that we remember:  

• It's OK to fail.
• You as a person are not a failure.
• There is the REAL - you vs. the ROLE - you.

You can choose to regard failures as negative experiences - defeats, losses, setback. Or you can choose to regard failures as positive learn what not to do, what needs to be changed, and what needs to be fixed. Failure can accelerate your success. If and only if you take the time to extract clear lessons from your failures, and then apply those lessons to your next endeavor.

Recognizing failure as a potential positive experience gives you a new freedom- the freedom to try new thing, be more creative, and stretch outside your comfort zone. If you don't achieve the results you seek, ask yourself, "What did I learn from this?"

Of course, accepting this concept intellectually is one thing. Dealing with failure emotionally is another matter entirely. Before you can learn from your failures, you must learn to fail. And, in order to do that, you must understand failure and put it in its proper perspective.

When you fail to accomplish something, you're not a failure. You did not fail. Instead, it was your attempt, your action plan, strategy, or technique  that failed. There is a difference between the real you and the role you.

Real You:
The real you is defined by your self identity and your sense of self-worth.
Role You:
The role you is defined by your performance in a role - As a sister, spouse, parent, little league coach, or salesperson.

You must learn not to take role failures personally. An unsuccessful attempt to obtain an appointment or close a sale is just that- an unsuccessful attempt. It has nothing to do with your personal worth. Your personal worth is still intact! If there is a lesson to be learned from the failed attempt, identify it and apply it to subsequent attempts.

You will know when you have learned to fail in a way that supports winning - as opposed to failing in a way that you take personally- because you will start thinking about "failure" differently. When you begin to look forward to the lessons from "failures," because you know those lesson will lead you to future "wins," you will be on the right track.